Sunday, January 5, 2020

Happy Birthday Matt

I spent the day crying. Like a widow. I’m not sure why it hit me so hard this year. I’m not really complaining. Pain is weird and I mostly embrace it when it comes to you, now. It reminds me how much I still love you. Not that I really need to be reminded...but your memory fills me up on days like today. 

I’ve been hiking more, in the winter even. It’s a new experience and it brings a lot of beauty with it. January is full of anniversaries for us. Your birthday is first. I remember the birthday party I threw you when you turned 30, in Alaska. It was your first friend party you had told me. 

The 22nd is the anniversary of your passing. It was a snowy trip to pick up your mom for her to stay with us while we went on a short vacation the upcoming week. We talked several times on the drive down and back. Katie came with me. 

This year would have been our 16th wedding anniversary. Four more years and we would have annoyed each other for TWENTY YEARS! So many. -sigh- 
But this year is the third I am without you. 

I talked to this guy about you. He listened to me and let me be in the moment of sorrow for you. It’s a weird have you so close to me and all the pain still so new, and smile at the same time. I miss you Matt. The kids miss you.
 And we love you for eternity

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Saturday, January 4, 2020

Swimming the winter away

I took the younger kids swimming the other day. It was one time so it’s hardly been all winter, but I do want to bring them again. It’s a welcome change from the tv watching. 
I started the new semester a week ago. It’s interesting being aware of anxiety and how it manifests and actively working at controlling it. 
I’ll make it through the next 14 weeks. One step at a time. 
Breathe Meg. 

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Friday, January 3, 2020

New year got me like......

Deleted my Facebook account. 
Internalizing some changes to make in my sphere of influence. 
Trying to show more love. 
Ready to take on school this semester. 
All the things! 

Keep my temper and remember this thing is 4. Super hard for me. 

Stay calm and let the mess be for a few days.......owwwwwmmmmmmmm

Keep up the snowboarding skills with this guy! Best cheerleader ever, as evidenced by my 99% improvement of getting off the dreaded lift!!!! 


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