Wednesday, October 18, 2017

I am full of it.....

I am blessed. 

What a crazy thought that it. There's been so much I have been through, either alone or with the kids and others and through it all I can see the light. What a gift that is. 
My life still isn't perfect and I don't believe it ever will be and that's ok. Sometimes I feel like it's not ok, but I guess that's where my faith comes in. I am full of gratitude and I can't even tell you why. I'm just full of it. 

I think it's the silly gratitude journal I've been diligently writing in. Nothing grand happens in my day to day life, but writing the small things is truly giving me an appreciation for all that I do have. 
Amazing. 

God loves me. And he is incredibly merciful. What a gift. 
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Wednesday, October 11, 2017

I cannot deny

2017 continues to be a year of faith over everything else. My sweet sister lost her baby in the early morning hours today. It was unexpected, as it always is, and created more holes to be filled with Faith in our Savior. 
I read the text from my mother at 5 am. A little before 6 I offered up a prayer that angels would surround my sister and hold her up. I named a few relatives specifically and included my sweet Matt. 

Ten minutes later, at 6 am, my four year old wakes up crying. Considering the news I had just received and her waking up an hour and a half before normal, I was annoyed. I got up and had her go pee and asked why she was crying. Between sobs she said "I want my Daddy". 

I got her back into bed and climbed into mine. Paige wanted her Dad right after I asked Heavenly Father to send him to my sister. The veil is thin. 

"And when we cried unto the Lord, he heard our voice, and sent an angel"

I have a solid testimony that death is not the end. 


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Monday, August 21, 2017

It's just about the end of August, three months since I wrote last. My head is above water now. It took a mid-life crisis of sorts to figure it out. I barely finished the BYU-I pathway program. I'm so glad that is over with. My new goal was to start school this fall and work towards getting a degree in marriage and family studies. I'm not sure how I feel about that anymore. I feel the importance of getting an education, but I'm not sure that's the one. 

-sigh-

In other more profound news...I've been introduced to someone. I did not go looking and I'm obviously still very broken. But for some reason he wants to marry me. It's very soon. I know that. But I know there are no coincidences. He has a deep spiritual knowledge of things. I still don't understand God's plan for me but in the past three months I have found out that there is a plan and it encompasses all. 

I don't entirely know what my future looks like. I know it's still an uphill battle. I miss Matt fiercely. I would join him right now if I had t he chance. But I am left to finish my mission. 

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