Sunday, March 5, 2017

6 weeks

I really need to quit writing on Sundays. I hate Sundays. I have too much time to think about my life and where it's going....or not. 

I don't know why Heavenly Father gave me this trial. I don't have the faith in myself to come out of it alive. I've been depressed before and had the feelings of not wanting to live. But this...this is different. I literally don't have the desire to live anymore. I know heaven is going to be better and I want that. I ant to be with Matt again. 

The pain that I know the children will feel keeps my clock ticking. 

This is so hard. It feels like it's been an eternity and yet I can hear and feel it all like it happened seconds ago.

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CathyAnne said...

Dear, Sweet Meggan, I know there are legions of individuals beyond the veil and here on earth, who want nothing more than to help you through the heartbreak you are going through. Knowing how you feel from reading your posts gives me a glimpse of how Joseph Smith as a prisoner in Liberty Jail and the Savior in Gethsemane felt through their trials. The redeeming force through all of this is the knowledge of the love our Heavenly Father has for you and the strength & support He will give you to. One of the places you will feel this peace & guidance for your life & the lives of your children will be in the House of the Lord. Elder Holland says: "For Latter-day Saints, the holiest site on earth is the temple of God, the house of the Lord. It is by definition and dedication a holy place, the setting for God's presence, the earthly structure that allows heavenly experience. When a difficult moment comes or an important decision faces us, we instinctively go to the temple. We find peace there and we find answers. It is the setting for tranquility, purity, and revelation. The tangled complexities of life fall away and the path we should walk or the action we should take--or just the safety and peace we desperately seek--becomes clear. The temple truly is a rock upon which God sets us when the winds and the waves are strongest." You have the strength within yourself to weather not having Matt here on earth at this time. Heavenly Father will see you through this, for your self & your children. Seek out the temple to receive the revelation you desire & to feel His love. With all my love & prayers for you Meggan, love, Aunt Cathy.

Ninny said...

Don't forget the 'endure to the end' part. You have help on both sides of the veil. Don't give up!