I really need to quit writing on Sundays. I hate Sundays. I have too much time to think about my life and where it's going....or not.
I don't know why Heavenly Father gave me this trial. I don't have the faith in myself to come out of it alive. I've been depressed before and had the feelings of not wanting to live. But this...this is different. I literally don't have the desire to live anymore. I know heaven is going to be better and I want that. I ant to be with Matt again.
The pain that I know the children will feel keeps my clock ticking.
This is so hard. It feels like it's been an eternity and yet I can hear and feel it all like it happened seconds ago.