Happy earth birthday Daddy

January is probably going to be the hardest month for this family. Matt's birthday was the 5th, his death anniversary is the 22nd and our wedding anniversary is the 29th. 

I need a vacation next year. 

This year I thought we would celebrate with taco salad, cake and balloons. 

Raegan painted her face with the frosting and that was about the extent of her eating :) I also picked up a balloon for each of us to write a memory on and release into the sky. I didn't think about the fact that it was dark out and we wouldn't be able to see them float so I said we would do it the next day...except I didn't realize that you have to get something special added to the balloons so they don't deflate overnight. #fail

I was also upset at myself about the color of balloons, thinking they should have been rainbow or all yellow. 

Backing up for a second, this was also the day that I had a counseling appointment. It was draining. He asked me to describe Matt, (his build) and what he would wear if he was to walk in the room with us. Then he had me picture him sitting in a chair in the room. It was an overpowering feeling doing that. Visualization is nothing to laugh at. I gave myself a massive headache from all of the crying and it continued on into the evening. 

It's hard to deal with all of this. I am grateful that Stephen is who he is. He has never made me feel bad about my feelings and he knows that "it will all work out in the end". 

Enjoy life Meggan. Enjoy it.