Pride

I've got a friend that just started a blog to document the things that she does to keep herself sane. She has 5 kids of her own and her husband has another 4. So at any given time this woman, who is also younger than me, has 9 kids around. 

The first thing she writes about is how she was feeling awful one day and thinking back on why she realized that it was because she hadn't read her scriptures*. I immediately thought to myself that this was a direct message to me about how awful I am and how she knows it and is writing this post for me. Really? She doesn't know if I am or am not reading. (which obviously I'm not) so why the big fuss? Because I feel guilty. And why do I feel guilty? Because I'm not doing something that does in fact help my mood.  And why don't I do something that is a guaranteed mood enhancer? 

Because I'm prideful. 

Same reason that I don't reach out and ask for help when I want to give my kids away.

Which brings me to another problem. 

Why couldn't I be one of those women that just LOVES being a stay at home Mom and does awesome things with her kids?

And doesn't call them annoying? And doesn't relish in their 7 o'clock bedtime because it means that I have a break? And doesn't have anxiety attacks when she has to bring them to the store? 

I want to be THAT Mom. 

But I'm not. So I'll just vent away here on my little space in blog land. Hopefully none of you are judging me. But if you are...you're first in line after me :)