Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Time marches on

It's been a while since my last post. 
It would be nice to say that this was all a nightmare and I finally woke up.
But that isn't so. 

I spend my days trying to keep busy and keep my mind on the moment instead of dwelling on things that won't ever be changed. 

The kids are doing mostly 'ok'. Miss  C seems to be doing the worst. There's two reasons for that I think. The first being that she's 7 1/2, and I really despised this age with Mr. B as well. It's best described as something out of a Stephen King novel. Cujo. Carrie. The Poltergeist...although I'm not sure he authored that one. And the second cause of her issues are obviously her Dad dying. She's an angry elf. 

The boys are my favorites right now. They still have their own drama but they are way less stressful than the girls. 

I need to be a better Mom. I feel like all of general conference has been telling me to be charitable and mild tempered, and soft spoken. All things that I am not. So how do I train myself to be this person that I know God wants me to be? Still figuring it out. 

I need my husband. In the flesh. And breathing. I think that's the hardest part of all this crap. I literally don't know what I am supposed to be doing with my life now. And the answer to that prayer is either taking it's sweet time coming, or I'm not hearing it and I am desperate to hear it.  
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3 comments:

Rachel said...

Meggan,I do know a small fraction of the pain you're feeling; compete loss, fear, overwhelmed, angry and so many other emotions. I only know that it got better... it will get better. I don't mean to compare at all, as my situation was MUCH different. But a huge loss as well. Please know I'm praying for you and your sweet kids. Answers will come when they ask where there dad is, or there are moments that only a daddy will do. The Lord provides in those moments, and when you feel like you just can't go on. You are being prepared for greatness and your husband is on the other side preparing your mansion. I love you my friend.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure what to tell you here I wish I had the answers to these hard questions, everyone says God will help u that He will make u more but no one tells u how to access that blessing, all I can tell u is that u just do ur best, I know that God is real I know He knows u and loves u, he wants u to be happy and he knows that u r doing ur best, He is not tapping His toe waiting for u to get ur crap together, He is ur father he is sad when u are sad, He aches when u are lonely, and He cares about u just as much as he cares about ur children, and all I can say is that u just fake it til u make it, u get up every day and u put one foot in front of the other, u make it through this day, this hour, this minute, and u trust that someday it will be ok. You are loved

Jill said...

Leaving some love for you ;)