Sunday, February 17, 2013

Finger prints on my heart

 I've been thinking about writing a blog post for a few days now since it's been pretty busy and life has seemed blog worthy. But, today has brought about a change in my heart...of sorts.
Tonight our oldest asked if he could bear his testimony. Seeing as he will be baptized this year when he turns  8, I was very much joyful on the inside hearing this. It was short and sweet and exactly what I hope and pray for, in raising these minions.
The days are long with what seems like no good being done in them. C&C are, for all intensive purposes, twins. They egg each other on and don't stop. Ever.
 But in church today I was given hope that if I can just get my attitude right, and try to live how I should, then I will be blessed with joy in this life. Finding happiness in taking care of small kids doesn't come easy for me. I stress easily and expect very high for them, and myself. 
And why is it so hard for me to just 'be happy'? I've been trying to figure this out for a long time. I still haven't gotten the complete answer but I've got a hunch there's a definite pride issue wrapped up with feeling vulnerable and embarrassed. Don't ask how those all go together but I'm quite sure they do. The first step in fixing anything is figuring out where to start, right? And I need to start with myself and not be afraid with what I encounter.

Adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy. 

I want to have joy. I want to see my children for what they are. Blessings. Gifts. Little people. I want to find joy in where I am in life. Be that literal, in Alaska. Or figuratively, raising a family to grow up into examples of all that is good. And with this serious dose of introspective word vomit, I bid you goodnight:) 

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