Finger prints on my heart

 I've been thinking about writing a blog post for a few days now since it's been pretty busy and life has seemed blog worthy. But, today has brought about a change in my heart...of sorts.

Tonight our oldest asked if he could bear his testimony. Seeing as he will be baptized this year when he turns  8, I was very much joyful on the inside hearing this. It was short and sweet and exactly what I hope and pray for, in raising these minions.

The days are long with what seems like no good being done in them. C&C are, for all intensive purposes, twins. They egg each other on and don't stop. Ever.

 But in church today I was given hope that if I can just get my attitude right, and try to live how I should, then I will be blessed with joy in this life. Finding happiness in taking care of small kids doesn't come easy for me. I stress easily and expect very high for them, and myself. 

And why is it so hard for me to just 'be happy'? I've been trying to figure this out for a long time. I still haven't gotten the complete answer but I've got a hunch there's a definite pride issue wrapped up with feeling vulnerable and embarrassed. Don't ask how those all go together but I'm quite sure they do. The first step in fixing anything is figuring out where to start, right? And I need to start with myself and not be afraid with what I encounter.

Adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy. 

I want to have joy. I want to see my children for what they are. Blessings. Gifts. Little people. I want to find joy in where I am in life. Be that literal, in Alaska. Or figuratively, raising a family to grow up into examples of all that is good. And with this serious dose of introspective word vomit, I bid you goodnight:) 

Up for air

So, I'm following this blog. And if you go there you will notice that she has a meter reader...for books. Her goal is 50...and I'm pretty sure it's for the year. Well, she has inspired me to read...a lot. That and having had 90% of my brain cells impaired from having kids, I have a desire to feel smarter. And what better way to build your smarts and vocabulary than by reading!

I'm at nine books so far.

Lucky for me one of the women in my ward invited me to be in their book club. The book of choice is Three cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson. My Aunt had given me this book back when we were living in Utah but I never read it. I'm fairly interested because it deals with the Islam. I've read The Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns which I enjoyed very much and they are in the same playing field.

I'm supposed to have it done by the 21st. I hope I do because I've got a waiting list at the library for some others that I'm really anxious to read! Lucky for the kids too cause they get to pick out books and switch up bedtime reading from the five we brought up! 

Or maybe that's lucky for us..

It's not Wednesday but it's word-less

Graduated

My ward has some women in it that organize play dates for their toddlers. I have been invited to go at least twice, but transportation has been an issue and so have our colds. Well....I'm getting desperate around here. B is bored to death with just us to keep him entertained and Miss C needs someone else to beat on. So, I volunteered our home to host it this week. If I can't get there...I'll bring it to me right:) 

Well, I was talking to Jen today about my kids and wanting to jump off a cliff because...they are being a joy today. And then it occurred to me...I have the most children out of the women that are coming over. This never happens to me. I am usually the one with the least amount of kids. I was a one child mom for four years and then went from two to three quicker than expected. I have graduated.

I am no longer in the elite "my child is the best behaved" club. Reality is....I'm one of those moms. -the one trying to get her oldest to help with the middle who is screeching, or running off in a different direction all the while lugging the infant around in the car seat because the middle and last, are clearly, too close in age. I'm the Mom who sits back and watches as her 18 month old starts scaling the couch to play with the blinds because she is sick of repeating herself. Yes, I'm the Mom that has/is learning to pick her battles and has no problem letting them running around the house like banshees. 

I was also the Mom that saw other Moms (like me now) and thought to myself that their kids were completely out of control and mine would NEVER act so disorderly! I was also the one that pointed the finger and said "can you believe that she let's them do that"? And here I am now...the mother of three...laughing at the fact that I am having a play date with Moms who will more than likely walk out of my house saying to themselves those exact same things :) All in due time ladies...all in due time:)
So wish me luck as I put on an impressive play date tomorrow. We will see if I am put on the schedule for next month;)

fairly interesting

So, we had the missionaries over this past week. Tuesday to be exact. I made an Asparagus and ham dinner. Don't be fooled. It was more of a casserole than a "dinner". For dessert I found a new chocolate chip cookie recipe because...alas...I don't have my recipe book here:/ BUT...they turned out great. I didn't go waaay overboard and, in fact, sent the rest home with the fellows. So...no major harm done to my waistline!

We had a nice visit. At the end they always have a scripture of some sort and ask you to somehow participate in the mission field. Well....what they want us to do is super easy! All we do is go to Mormon.org and fill out a personal profile. The whole site is geared to help non-Mormons realize that we are normal people!! Not some weird, multiple marrying, Quaker dressing, weirdos! No offense to the Quakers! But you know what I'm saying. I think the biggest thing for me and my, well mostly Matt's family, is that we are Christians....and people don't see that. Even when you tell them that you believe in Jesus Christ as your Savior....I don't know...they must think it's some other Jesus! Anyway...I'm going to fill out a profile and see if I can link it up to my blog. And...to my "Mormon" readers...you should too!

Recipes in this post: 

Asparagus Ham dinner

Best chocolate chip cookies

For my talk Bishop Ardizzone asked me to speak on happiness. Being happy is not something that comes easily to me, just ask Matt:) I tend to be on what I like to call the "realist" side of the fence. As I think most of you know I am a convert. My parents are divorced and have been since I was very young. I'm the only child between the two of them, and I've got 4 other brothers and sisters. Both my parents did drugs and drank. Both remarried to less than awesome people, but never fear, I'm not bitter...today:) So all in all those are my excuses for being a realist.

So with that background let's jump to senior year. Graduation came and went. After graduation I started working at Wal-mart. Matt worked there also. We met, dated for a few months, and he decides to have a "come to Jesus" meeting with me. He wanted me to decide I wanted to continue our relationship by taking the lessons with the missionaries, or call it good because he needed someone in his faith. I came upon Matt at the most spiritual point in his life because he "was" prepping to go on a mission until I, the spawn of all un-holiness, entered his life:) But he held fast, kept the gospel close to his heart and called me out on my life. I am forever grateful for that. So obviously I chose the right...so to speak:) Which brings me to the subject of this rant, Happiness.

In the index under happiness it says"see also, blessed". D&C 34:4 says: And blessed are you because you have believed". Believed,...what is it that I believe that has given me the blessing of happiness? Alma 46:41 says "but there were many who died with old age, and those who died in the faith of Christ are happy in him, as we must needs suppose". Now obviously I'm not dieing, and I'm not in old age yet, but I have faith in Christ. I love my Savior. Really. It's taken me 6 years to figure out my favorite hymn and it's 'I;m trying to be like Jesus'. It touches my soul.

I believe in eternal families. This subject alone is hard for me to get through without being a spiritually touched weeping soul:) I never saw myself getting married. Definitely not having kids. The sheer amount of happiness that I have knowing we are bound forever and ever is amazing. That fact alone is half the reason I love this gospel so much.

The reason why I am standing here, shaking at the knees, is because I believe the gospel of Jesus Christ. Since joining, I have turned into a big believer of 'signs' and things happening for a reason, just as long as they are in my favor:) Just kidding....sort of:) So it really is no wonder to me that Bishop asked me to speak on a topic that I strive hard to achieve all the time. Heavenly Father knows me. He knows what I need to learn. He is very aware of my belief and faith in him and the gospel. He also knows that I let Satan into my mind, which throws me off course. Alma 38:2 says" And now, my son, I trust that I shall have great joy in you, because of your steadiness and your faithfulness unto God; for as you have commenced in your youth to look to the Lord your God, even so I hope that you will continue in keeping his commandments; for blessed is he that endureth to the end". The last part of that scripture is important. For blessed is he that endureth to the end. President Hinckley said " it is the only way you will find peace and happiness in your lives, and you will find peace and happiness if you live the gospel".

There's my answer. Live the gospel till the end and be blessed with peace and happiness. Simple, so simple and the hardest thing at times. It shouldn't be hard. What's hard about reading scriptures, praying, going to church, the Temple? Satan is hard. If I'm honest here for a second, I'd like to donkey punch him in the face. I apologize for any visual or spirit detraction that may have caused:)

My Aunt sent me a few things from a book she has by Wendy Watson Nelson. Amidst these notes was a poem by a student in New Zealand. It's called " Not even once";
-everyone's doing it
just once is ok
these beguiling words
we face each day
-when faced with temptation
do i falter or waiver?
will the Lord excuse
a little sinful behavior?
-the Lord loves me
then why should i doubt?
though devils assail and
their successors they tout
-pluck up your courage
and today begin
to follow the Lord
NOT the author of sin
-everyone's doing it
what sorrow that brings
stand strong in the truth
my faith gives me wings
-i will fly above
all that is sin and vice
i won't give on once
for that leads to twice
-Not even once!
is the clarion call
remember this always
walk strong and tall

Walk strong and tall. I've got the stepping stones to have happiness in my life always. It's alot like the Spirit for me. I think they go hand in hand. If I'm doing the right things, I have the blessing of the Spirit to guide me, much like doing the right things and having happiness abound. Happiness is in me, I just need to keep it alive. I'd like to end with two things. One is a verse of the the hymn I spoke about: I'm trying to be like Jesus, I'm following in his ways. I'm trying to live as he did, in all that i do and say. At times I am tempted to make a wrong choice, but I try to listen as the still small voice whispers, love one another as Jesus loves you, try to show kindness in all that you do. Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought , for these are the things Jesus taught.

And two, my testimony*. I'm grateful I was able to speak today. I love my Savior. I know this church is true. I love my family so much. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

*I can't quite remember what I said in my testimony:)

only nice comments please...no pokin fun:)

6 years

It's officially the Christmas season! Goodness:) We had a very nice weekend. It started out normal, hanging around the house in our sweats, but we ended saturday night with a trip to Salt Lake to see the lights. It was gorgeous. Words really can't explain how pretty it was. We have been here about 3 1/2 years and this was our first trip downtown to see them. How sad is that! But we took the train down because we thought Mr. B would really enjoy it...and he did:) He was the conductor:) It was very cute.

I'll have to say that I'm quite sure winter is officially here also....it was COLD! It had snowed earlier in the day, not enough to do any real damage, but enough that it stayed with the cold weather. We bundled up the kids the best we could, and I think Caitlyn was the warmest one:) She was in her baby tai on me under blankets. When I took her out of it to eat she was very toasty. We had a wonderful time:)



And to the title of this post...it has been 6 years today that I have been a member of The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. How amazing is that! It was really neat for me to have this anniversary be on fast Sunday this year. I was the only one that was able to make it to church today and in doing that I enjoyed the very sweet Spirit of my new ward. It reminded me a lot of our branch in NH. There wasn't 10 or 15 minutes in between testimonies, and they were so strong with the Spirit. I was so moved that I even got myself up out of the back row and bore mine!!!! HOLY MOLY!

I'll reiterate and expound on what I said and what I would have said if I wasn't a blubbering fool! :) I'm thankful for my membership in this church, the blessings it has given me in my life. My family, my self worth. I know without a doubt that I am 'somebody' to my Heavenly Father and he IS watching over me. I'm thankful for this humble ward we are a part of right now. I'm thankful that my Savior Jesus Christ laid the way for me to realize the path I needed to choose in life and help me on it. I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and hope that you can feel the love that I have felt today throughout this season. :) Much love,


Meg

A First

Today was a great day. Church was great. B was great. Weather was....ok a little hot:) This is a short post just to share the joy of B saying his first prayer!!!! Well I helped but I usually can't get him to say anything. It was so cute. It's the little things like that re-assure me that I must be doing something right. I want him to have a love of the gospel like I do, and not think that church is expected and boring and stupid. He is so cute. I love it how he'll do something that I think is funny so I'll ask him if I can take his picture and make such a big deal about it, that he'll keep doing as long as I give him attention. It made me think about Heavenly Father and what makes him happy. He does the same for us....when we do something pleasing to him he blesses us and gives us encouragement so we continue to do it on our own. And I am thankful for that. :) Anyway...here are the wayyy cute pics of B trying on my shoes....lol:)


And this last one just because he is so handsome:)