I will go, I will do

The Lord has been speaking to me lately in the form of small promptings. The fact that I can hear them is amazing. I haven't been the best example of anything good, lately. Scripture reading is sporadic and my prayers aren't as meaningful as they could be for the amount of things I have going on. But I'm still being talked to. 

I've blogged on here about the struggles and challenges that a child of mine gives me and basically was counting down the minutes until she started kindergarten. 

Then it started. 

I became nervous about sending her to school. I was worrying. "She's still so little" I thought to myself. I tried to erase that thought and fill it in with "she will be fine. It's just because she's a girl that you're worrying". 

So I went school shopping for her. We got home from vacation and I thought she started the same week my oldest did. When I realized that she was a week later, I was so relieved. Why a weeks difference would be that much different, I don't know, but I felt better.

A week out from school and I started to panic a little. What was I going to do? Home school? Send her? Hold her back? I knew there was an answer for me and I would get it if I took it to prayer.

I got a very distinct answer, and that was to not send her to public school. 

I cried. 

I know that my Heavenly Father knows me and knows the struggle I have with my daughter. (even at such a young age) So why would he tell me to keep her home and not let us both have a break from each other? 

The past few days the reason has become apparent to me. Maybe not the 'whole' reason, but a piece of it. And I can honestly say that I am grateful that I kept her home. It hasn't been any more of a struggle than it usually is and now I get to be the one that helps her to learn. I'm the one that will be her beacon of knowledge and understanding. I love that little girl and I'm glad that HF has pushed me past what I thought I needed. 

Catching my breath and getting a second wind

I had an awful few days last week/weekend. I haven't been that stressed out since we first moved here. The kids were cranky, Matt was/still is gone and the over-all adjustment period still isn't over I don't think. (moving here, school, Sibil)

But,

I have made progress! As of today she-devil has been diaper free for 10 days? She still sports the pull-up at night because I haven't quite figured out how to get her to understand what I expect of her. With sassy pants I think it was 'fear of God'. Plus he was older. That whole first experience was completely different than this one. But isn't that parenting? Major differences:

Sassy pants had no problems with peeing on the potty and loved getting little rewards. Number 2 was more difficult for him to do, either scared or whatever. He was dry at night right from the beginning.

She devil self initiated pooping all by herself and rewards don't mean squat. She's likes being cheered on more. Peeing was a huge pain in the butt. She didn't like to be made to sit but if I told her I had to go she danced right in with me and went.

We had some regression this weekend which put me in a huge foul mood. I think it was the switch in schedule and having Aunty here which is normal, but not normal for doing your business. And sassy pants was around...and there isn't any sort of calm when he's around:)

So we have made it over a huge hurdle in this house and I am feeling better about life. So much in fact that my SIL and I are going to start Mommy school in October. I'm getting myself amped up for it because I think I had an 'ah ha' moment, and realized that I am a stay at home mother. I should be throwing myself into the reason I am home. Enough of this tv watching, and get out of my hair nonsense. I'll be free to do whatever the heck I want when they are in school. Right?

Be of good cheer. If I can look at the positive and look to serve others(my children) then surely I should succeed!

And don't call me Shirley! lol

It's been two days since I have entered the world of single parenthood. 

Today I:

Tried potty training Miss C again with a different method. The directions clearly state that you should have your child clean themselves up every time they mess, making them realize how unsavory it is to go in their underpants, and it would be so very much easier if they went in the potty.Also that you should do some "drills"; walking away from the potty and briskly walking back, pulling the pants down-sitting in the potty-pulling them back up, 10 times.

my child laughed at every 'drill' and made sure to tell me every time she peed and then went in to the bathroom to clean herself

So she learned the importance of hygiene....but not how to go in the toilet. 

I also:

Received an email from our internet provider(we pay by usage here and we have the highest amount you can have) telling me that we are at 80% of our maximum usage for the month and to smarten the heck up unless we wanted to pay overage fees.

this is going to put a serious cramp in my Desperate Housewives via Netflix.(don't judge me...it's like a mystery show)

And:

Find myself wondering why some parents just let their kids stay up till all hours of the night. I realize we are in Alaska and it's summer now, but this happened in Utah also.

put your gosh darn kid to bed! they need sleep and structure just like the rest of us do! and why punish yourself like that?!?!?

It's been a productive thought provoking day. 

what is wrong with me?

So the cutest thing has happened in the last couple of days. Baby C has started sucking his thumb! Neither of the other two have done this. They have been binky babies. We have tried and tried to get baby C to take a binky, on numerous occasions, to no avail. Then on Sunday, at church, we had a break through! The little dude found his thumb! And since that day he has become better and better at finding it and sticking it in his mouth. 

Awesome right?

I wish I could say it was awesome. I mean, it is, really...but I feel so...left out now. Instead of being inconsolable, he is self soothing. It certainly makes for fabulous full nights rest, but I feel like I've been replaced. You pair thumb sucking and my decision to quit nursing...and I am a walking guilt trip! I seriously think he has some animosity towards me now. It's his eyes. And the fact that this morning he didn't look at me once while I was feeding him. I'm mortally wounded!

I will survive the distant stares, and quiet sucking of the thumb that is so utterly adorable and the cause of wounding to my soul...

But only because he is so stinkin cute! It must be the extra sleep I'm getting now that has let my brain function on more than 2 cylinders :) 

Go to my Flickr people...I put up some way cute pictures of the kids that I took within this week. And I want a comment telling me you've seen them! So go...now!

AWKwaaaard

So apparently my son is getting older....who knew? Well it was big wake up call to me today as I was getting ready to feed baby C.

When I breastfeed I in no way flaunt my boobs. And even more so now with this baby because I'm aware that B is just that much older. So I practice modesty the best I can when putting a large mass of boob into a baby's mouth:)

Well, today, I'm telling my son that I have to feed his brother and then we will go to the grocery store. He then tells me that my boobs are disgusting. Awesome. I say 'thank you' in response. He then tells me...oh actually they are beautiful.

What?! Did he really just say that? Does he know what he just said? How do I handle this? Ummmmm....buh. I'm at a loss. So I say.."yeaaaa.... that's inappropriate". I usually handle mis-communications with him very well because I chalk it up to innocence. So was this also innocent? It's hard to call it that when he has a Dad that doesn't necessarily hide his 'gropings'. So B has seen that breasts are something of an attraction to his Dad and he is a boy too.

Needless to say...I'm not ready for this. I just want to lock my little boy up and shelter him from all the nonsense that life is:) Well not entirely...but mostly. The world is a scary and exciting place and this little harmless comment from my son has thrown me into a loop of realizing, yet again, that I'm parenting by the seat of my pants! I guess all I can do is hope and pray I do the absolute best I can for him.

Any awkward moments you've had with your kids lately?